I have lived in Arkansas for a little over six months. Some of it has been
really difficult. Some of it has been really fun. As a whole, the adjustment
from single college student to married full-time worker has not been easy for
me. There are a few differences between Arkansas and Texas that I didn’t
anticipate.
1. Higher sales tax: Arkansas is one of the top five states when it comes to sales tax rates1. Local governments here contribute their own sales tax to a state-wide sales tax, meaning more of your daily spent dollar doesn’t go toward your groceries. A whopping 9.19%. Ew. At least the roads here are better than Oklahoma’s.
2. Climate & wildlife: The weather is only minimally different here than in North Texas2, but the seasons are distinct and the countryside is forested rather than flat. The trees are huge here. We have a grove that’s taller than a three-story building behind our apartment. I drive over the river and through the woods every day to get to work, and the woods are well stocked. I have seen two wild bald eagles and many deer in the half a year I’ve been here. Even though armadillos are well-known in Texas3, I have seen almost as many here as I did rabbits back home. Part of this comes from not living in a metropolitan area, and part of it comes from not living in a prairie. All I know is, it’s July, and its 81 degrees, and I love it!
3. Living costs are a bargain: The median gross cost of renting in Texas is $857. In Arkansas it’s $6594. The town south of where I work is the fifth cheapest place to live in the United States. Not half bad. The catch, however, is this: Arkansas is the only state that doesn’t protect renters with implied warranty of habitability5, i.e., landlords aren’t required by law to provide maintenance to their properties. Finding a reputable landlord is key.
The novelty doesn’t stop with living in a new state. I’m also in a new stage of life, and the difference has been palpable. Starting off, the only friends I had were long-distance ones from college, and the distance was painful. A few months in, God put a wonderful friend in my life whose smiles and antics got me through the cold winter and spring. At the cusp of summer, she graduated and moved away, and although I still talk to her weekly, it was painful to feel as if I was back to square one.
After a brief visit home and the reviving of old friendships, the pain became sharper. Encouragement came through talks with my husband and interactions with coworkers. I would get out of this slump. I was going to fight for friendship.
Since then, and still now, my husband and I have made extra effort to carve out time for friends. Until now, I have always called them his friends because I just didn’t feel like I was a part of that inner circle. No more. The reality is, I am a part of his inner circle, and I have just as much a right to be there as anyone. I chose to begin to invest in his friends, to make them both ‘our friends’ and ‘my friends’. The great irony of loneliness is that it often perpetuates itself. The lonely person thinks, “I am lonely” and does nothing for others. The content person, whether lonely or not, chooses to invest in other people, which breaks the cycle of loneliness.
After a few months of being in a new place, I realized I had forgotten how to be available for other people. I was inwardly focused instead of outwardly focused. The wake-up call for me was when my husband went out to be with his friends, and I, despite his invitations, sulked at home. It was a moment of clarity for me, and after a few hours I scraped together the courage and the humility to go support him--and met a wonderful friend. From that moment, I decided to seek people out and try to find ways to meet their needs. God would take care of mine. And he did. There are three things that have helped me build the bridge from stranger to friend.
1. Stay connected with God. The times when I feel the loneliest are the times I stop spending time with God. I woke up one day and thought, "Wow, I haven't talked to God in over a week. This needs to change." Cracking open my bible and my prayer list is sometimes difficult, especially when life is overwhelming and energy is limited. Yet it is an essential component of adapting to change. From the outpouring of Christ's love for us, we are able to love others6.
2. Overcome your fear of rejection. My attitude toward meeting new people is oftentimes lacking in enthusiasm. I am afraid to approach new people in an effort to make friends, convinced that they won’t find me interesting enough to invest in as a person. The best way to sell yourself is to be yourself, regardless of what other people think. Others may have the same ‘if you want to be my friend, you’ll put forth the effort’ attitude. From now on, I am striving to be that person who keeps asking to hang out. That takes courage7, and for me, a lot of prayer.
3. Sacrifice for others. Pestering people into spending time with you isn’t the goal. Making friends involves doing things with and for other people. Whether it’s having a weekly game night or helping someone move, making friends often involves some level of inconvenience. Good friends are willingly inconvenienced by the chance to help each other.
To sum all of this up, in order to make friends we must be a friend.
This stage of life is in full flow, and I’m incredibly grateful for the people I’ve met and who have chosen to invest in me during my wallowing. Know that as my friend, you are loved, and Christ empowers me to be a vehicle of that love.
August will be a social month for my husband and I. Two weddings, a weekend trip home, and the start of the semester marks the return of many college friends. We have less than a year left here. Time is ticking. I won’t be wasting it. Carpe diem.8
1 http://taxfoundation.org/article/state-and-local-sales-tax-rates-2014
2 http://www.little-rock.climatemps.com/vs/dallas.php
3 http://www.statesymbolsusa.org/categories/mammal
4 http://www.deptofnumbers.com/rent/us/
5 http://www.arktimes.com/arkansas/no-rights-for-tenants-in-arkansas/Content?oid=2681818
6 1 John 4:19
7 Joshua 1:9
8 http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/carpe-diem.html
1. Higher sales tax: Arkansas is one of the top five states when it comes to sales tax rates1. Local governments here contribute their own sales tax to a state-wide sales tax, meaning more of your daily spent dollar doesn’t go toward your groceries. A whopping 9.19%. Ew. At least the roads here are better than Oklahoma’s.
2. Climate & wildlife: The weather is only minimally different here than in North Texas2, but the seasons are distinct and the countryside is forested rather than flat. The trees are huge here. We have a grove that’s taller than a three-story building behind our apartment. I drive over the river and through the woods every day to get to work, and the woods are well stocked. I have seen two wild bald eagles and many deer in the half a year I’ve been here. Even though armadillos are well-known in Texas3, I have seen almost as many here as I did rabbits back home. Part of this comes from not living in a metropolitan area, and part of it comes from not living in a prairie. All I know is, it’s July, and its 81 degrees, and I love it!
3. Living costs are a bargain: The median gross cost of renting in Texas is $857. In Arkansas it’s $6594. The town south of where I work is the fifth cheapest place to live in the United States. Not half bad. The catch, however, is this: Arkansas is the only state that doesn’t protect renters with implied warranty of habitability5, i.e., landlords aren’t required by law to provide maintenance to their properties. Finding a reputable landlord is key.
The novelty doesn’t stop with living in a new state. I’m also in a new stage of life, and the difference has been palpable. Starting off, the only friends I had were long-distance ones from college, and the distance was painful. A few months in, God put a wonderful friend in my life whose smiles and antics got me through the cold winter and spring. At the cusp of summer, she graduated and moved away, and although I still talk to her weekly, it was painful to feel as if I was back to square one.
After a brief visit home and the reviving of old friendships, the pain became sharper. Encouragement came through talks with my husband and interactions with coworkers. I would get out of this slump. I was going to fight for friendship.
Since then, and still now, my husband and I have made extra effort to carve out time for friends. Until now, I have always called them his friends because I just didn’t feel like I was a part of that inner circle. No more. The reality is, I am a part of his inner circle, and I have just as much a right to be there as anyone. I chose to begin to invest in his friends, to make them both ‘our friends’ and ‘my friends’. The great irony of loneliness is that it often perpetuates itself. The lonely person thinks, “I am lonely” and does nothing for others. The content person, whether lonely or not, chooses to invest in other people, which breaks the cycle of loneliness.
After a few months of being in a new place, I realized I had forgotten how to be available for other people. I was inwardly focused instead of outwardly focused. The wake-up call for me was when my husband went out to be with his friends, and I, despite his invitations, sulked at home. It was a moment of clarity for me, and after a few hours I scraped together the courage and the humility to go support him--and met a wonderful friend. From that moment, I decided to seek people out and try to find ways to meet their needs. God would take care of mine. And he did. There are three things that have helped me build the bridge from stranger to friend.
1. Stay connected with God. The times when I feel the loneliest are the times I stop spending time with God. I woke up one day and thought, "Wow, I haven't talked to God in over a week. This needs to change." Cracking open my bible and my prayer list is sometimes difficult, especially when life is overwhelming and energy is limited. Yet it is an essential component of adapting to change. From the outpouring of Christ's love for us, we are able to love others6.
2. Overcome your fear of rejection. My attitude toward meeting new people is oftentimes lacking in enthusiasm. I am afraid to approach new people in an effort to make friends, convinced that they won’t find me interesting enough to invest in as a person. The best way to sell yourself is to be yourself, regardless of what other people think. Others may have the same ‘if you want to be my friend, you’ll put forth the effort’ attitude. From now on, I am striving to be that person who keeps asking to hang out. That takes courage7, and for me, a lot of prayer.
3. Sacrifice for others. Pestering people into spending time with you isn’t the goal. Making friends involves doing things with and for other people. Whether it’s having a weekly game night or helping someone move, making friends often involves some level of inconvenience. Good friends are willingly inconvenienced by the chance to help each other.
To sum all of this up, in order to make friends we must be a friend.
This stage of life is in full flow, and I’m incredibly grateful for the people I’ve met and who have chosen to invest in me during my wallowing. Know that as my friend, you are loved, and Christ empowers me to be a vehicle of that love.
August will be a social month for my husband and I. Two weddings, a weekend trip home, and the start of the semester marks the return of many college friends. We have less than a year left here. Time is ticking. I won’t be wasting it. Carpe diem.8
1 http://taxfoundation.org/article/state-and-local-sales-tax-rates-2014
2 http://www.little-rock.climatemps.com/vs/dallas.php
3 http://www.statesymbolsusa.org/categories/mammal
4 http://www.deptofnumbers.com/rent/us/
5 http://www.arktimes.com/arkansas/no-rights-for-tenants-in-arkansas/Content?oid=2681818
6 1 John 4:19
7 Joshua 1:9
8 http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/carpe-diem.html