Now, hold on a second. I know what you're going to say. Proverbs 31 talks about being industrious, trustworthy, and financially responsible. Don't get me wrong; I'm not here to proclaim the nonexistent spiritual benefits of idleness, dishonesty, and the irresponsible use of money. I'm here to point out one crucial fact that I missed all of my childhood years as I read and reread this passage.
As Christian women, we are told over and over that Proverbs 31 is the ideal. Study it, we are told. Try to emulate it. THIS is who you are...or at least who you should be.
Get this, though:
The Proverbs 31 woman is married.
When Proverbs was written, a married woman was a secure woman. A woman with children had also secured her future. A widow or unmarried woman in many places couldn't own, buy or sell property. She was at the mercy of the community to care for her daily needs, and the community wasn't always very kind.
It is not that way today. Yet many Christian women, still single into adulthood, think something must be wrong with them. They have not reached the 'ideal', and cannot until someone finds them worthy enough to call them their wife.
"An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:10-11
This is how the passage begins. But our ability to attract a husband or boyfriend or even friends is not the source of our value as women.
The source of our value is Christ.
Young girls and women fight with every breath to be attractive. To be liked. We want to be loved by a godly man. We make this our idol. Yet many of us go about it in a manner that contradicts our supposed ideal:
"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30
A woman who uses charm and beauty to attract and keep friends and boyfriends is, sadly, a woman who won't find the kind of intimate and lasting love she is searching for. How many of us daily fall into that destructive train of thought: If I'm not charismatic enough, not pretty enough, he/she/they won't think I'm worth the effort.
Others of us fall into another pit: If I'm virtuous enough, involved enough in church and love God enough, he should give me a husband. Right?
The Proverbs 31 woman is described strong, dignified, wise, and kind (v. 25-26). Does the state of being unmarried mean that you lack enough of these traits to be worthy of love? Of course not!
Yet, that is how we in darkness once lived, and how many of us are still living.
Jesus loves us enough as we are...he died for us, to make us whole. Why do we act as if we still lack love? Why do we victimize ourselves when we have already been given everything we need?
"For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:8-10
We were reborn by Jesus' blood to love others, to be kind and wise and generous. But our value isn't measured by these things. Our value is immeasurable because God sent his son for us when we were broken and dead. We are saved not because we deserve it, but because we believe it. We are loved in spite of our unbelief.
So, don't strive to be a married Proverbs 31 woman. Recognize your worth as a beloved child of God, saved by his Son, married or not. Ask that his desires become your own, and act in his love. This is the true spirit of Proverbs 31.
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
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| Roses of Yesterday: A sculpture with the Latin inscription Perennis Amore: Eternal Love |
